It’s coming on that time of the year. The time when I remember just how everything unfolded with one of the biggest and traumatic losses of my life.
Waking up and being told that my husband wasn’t feeling well, and wasn’t able to stand up without feeling like he was going to pass out. A little over a year to when he had his heart attack. I thought that we had so much more life to live.
I called an ambulance, because upon checking his blood pressure, he was on the very low side of normal, and that was not good for a STEMI patient. I knew that something was wrong, and he needed to be seen. It turned out that he had been bleeding internally for months. He had several severe bleeds in his stomach. They fixed them surgically, and transfused him several times. He was weak, and couldn’t walk. He was kept in the hospital for a week, where I gave him daily sponge baths, we talked about life, and we talked about family. I knew exactly where he stood on all things, I also knew what his expectations were of me.
He was discharged on Halloween morning, and woke up the following morning at about 4:15am, in full cardiac arrest. I called 911 and gave him CPR until first responders arrived. No one tells you what happens when you can keep someone alive, but their brain already went without oxygen for too long.
He lived for a year with a severe anoxic brain injury. The worst part was fighting to keep him off of all of the antipsychotics, that were turning him into a monster, and his family who took full advantage of the fact that he couldn’t stand up for me.
After living 20 years of my life with my best friend, I was alone. Not the kind of alone that you choose, where you are living in solitude. The kind of alone where the silence is so loud that it’s deafening. I was suddenly a single mother, where most of my peers were either happily married with children, or even grandchildren. I was learning to live my life all over again, and people had their noses in my business, where it didn’t belong.
I learned that the whole dating scene is a mess. Mostly broken people who aren’t there with the best intentions, or have no business dating because they are just going to hurt people. I didn’t date much, I talked to some, and very quickly I was ready to throw in the towel. I was healing, and I had a young child to raise, and wanted to be a good example.
Then I met Him…
I had no clue what was going to happen, but he wasn’t like the rest. He wasn’t talking to me with one thing on his mind, there was a comfort in our conversations. We spoke online for about a week, and then decided to meet casually.
That coffee date changed the rest of my life. He felt like home, we talked like we knew each other forever. Neither of us wanted to leave, and when we parted ways, he kissed me on the cheek.
We quickly scheduled another date for that evening. We were both single parents, so we met up for dinner with our children. They played, we got to know each other more. We spent everyday together, and fell in love very quickly. It wasn’t a rushed desperate thing, it was real and we felt like home to each other.
I never knew that I could love someone the way that I love him. We have brought our families together and I am so very happy again. I look forward to each day and what it will bring. I feel young and vibrant with him. I laugh so much when we are together. I feel safe with him, I have no walls up.
This past Spring we bought our home together, and this Summer we got engaged, with the intention of getting married on our dating anniversary.
I am loving life again!
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